Abby, Abby, Abby

From the time I moved out of my parent's house, I knew that I wanted a dog. I knew that I wanted something cute that would love me unconditionally and always be happy to see me. So I convinced Paul that we needed to get a dog. To be honest, it didn't take much prodding because Paul loves animals. We knew that we wanted to get a rescue dog because we figured that we could help out a dog that really needed a good home.

I remember when we first saw Abby. She was in a room laying on the floor and her little doggy roommate was chewing on her ear. She just stared at us, unflinching and with an expression that clearly said "unless you're going to ask to see me, keep it moving." I liked her instantly and I told Paul that I wanted to see her in a private visiting room. Paul huffed and told me that if we saw this dog and didn't get it, he was going to be upset because she was the 4th dog that day that I'd asked to see. I promised him that I thought she was it and we went into the little room to wait for them to bring her in.

When she walked in, she went right up to Paul and stuck her face right into his. She knew somehow that he was the one she needed to convince. I'm pretty sure that was the moment we knew she was the one.

I didn't realize until after we got her that having a dog, is a lot like having a child. She needs attention, has a routine we follow everyday and any new thing she does fascinates us.

She has a huge personality and makes all sorts of facial expressions. She even plays hide and seek with us. She always finds us of course because of that nose of hers. She's just a great dog and I've yet to find one person that hasn't fallen in love with her at least a little bit. When Paul goes out of town, I'm thankful to have her with me because she makes me feel safe. And I don't know much about how dogs sense things but I tend to think that Abby can tell when I need her around me. There's nothing quite like having a hard day at work or having a sad moment, only to have her put her head in my lap and look up at me with those big brown eyes of hers. It's priceless and I'm just thankful that we found her.

So here are some pictures of our baby:


This was taken December 2009 when I took pictures with Abby as a Xmas present to Paul.


December 2009


Abby and her Daddy. It's really ridiculous how spoiled she is.

I think having Abby has been good for us. It makes it easy to focus our attention on something else and not entirely on our relationship. Little distractions are always good. Especially when they're as cute as Abby is.

Something about him leaving always brings me back...

When Paul and I made the decision to relocate to the Midwest, we honestly didn't have any idea what we were getting ourselves into. We just figured that it'd be an interesting adventure for us and we were excited for the change.

But then, we got here.

The fantasy of moving definitely doesn't match up to reality. In reality, we live in a really small town, one that's smaller than the towns either one of us grew up in. The town doesn't offer a lot entertainment wise and if you want variety, you end up traveling up to 30 miles to reach it. And of course with living in a small town comes the cliquey feeling and the feeling that you're an outsider that they'd like to see leave. Couple that with the fact that Paul and I are an interracial couple and you've got one very difficult living situation.

But despite all of these things, if I had to do it all over again, knowing what I know now, I still would. I regret nothing and I'd rather be with Paul in a place we can't wait to get out of, than living back in NC with him in the Midwest by himself.

Today Paul left to go out of town for a week. It's a regular occurrence lately and even though I should be used to it, I found myself getting emotional about it. Each time he leaves, it reminds me of when we first began to date and how emotional I'd get back then. I didn't like leaving him and as much as I tried to not show him that, it was obvious to me that he felt the same way. There were a lot of late nights spent by the front door, both of us dragging our feet to say goodbye. I suppose the biggest thing that made Paul different to me was the fact that he seemed to want to know me completely. I had never had that before.

Before I met Paul, I was involved with a guy for three years. This guy was someone I had no business trying to be with and he wasn't worth the effort I put into trying to make it work. He played a lot of mind games with me and I can only half blame him because I knew what he was doing and I still kept going back. For 2 and a half of the 3 years I was involved with him, he had a steady girlfriend. I was the "other woman." But like any "other woman" will tell you, he wasn't being truthful with me. I heard all the classic lines, "You understand me and she doesn't." "I'm going to break up with her, I just need time." "I'm so confused, I don't know what to do." It was quite honestly one of the worst times in my life because I became so desperate to have him in any way that I could, that I began to take him in pieces. What little time I could have with him, I convinced myself that I was happy with that. It took a long time before I finally decided that I was better than the crap I was letting myself be put through. I ended things with him and I refused any contact with him. I had told myself that I was going to just heal my heart and learn to love me again. And then I met Paul.

Now I know that it is ridiculously nauseating when women go on and on about their boyfriends and if I were reading this, this would be the part where I'd start rolling my eyes. But the truth is that Paul came into my life and showed me what a real man was like, not a little boy pretending to be a man. Real mean tell you how they're feeling and they don't play games. It took Paul to help me understand that what I went through was not how relationships were supposed to go and it took Paul to let me know that not every guy I give my heart to will break it. If it's the right guy, he'll hold it and guard it with his life.

Now that's not to say that I wasn't terrified of my feelings for Paul in the beginning. He quite frankly, scared the hell out of me. In my mind, he was getting too close to me and in my experience, closeness led to heartache. So one night when we were watching a movie, I subconsciously started a fight with him. To this day, I don't even remember what it was about but I remember it was our first one. We were laying on his bed and I had my back to him, just fuming. He was quiet for a long time before he finally said to me, "I don't know why you're pushing me away but when you're done, I'll still be here." Needless to say that completely broke through my walls and I decided that I couldn't be afraid anymore, I had to let love in.

It's been almost 2 years since then and I'm glad everyday that I did. I know what you're thinking, "It's been 2 years, shouldn't you be past the gushing phase?" And I probably should but I never said Paul and I were normal. :-)

Christmas, New Year's, and Texas.

I've always loved Christmas. It's not my favorite holiday (that honor goes to Halloween) but there's just something about Christmas time. For me, Christmas reminds me of how much my family and I laugh together. We've had several different Christmas traditions over the years. They ranged from putting up more decorations on Christmas eve (my mother was never good at going for simplistic decorations), filming a homemade Christmas show with my sister Skylar and I as the hosts (one particular show contained a segment with Skylar hocking Little Debbie snack cakes and saying she was Betty Crocker's cousin, Betty Shocker), and now our semi new tradition of snack foods, wine, and a game to play.

I love my family and I enjoy being able to have that time with them. I love being able to laugh at the silly things they do and to have stories to talk about for weeks afterwards.

Christmas time is also special to me because it was around that time when Paul and I discovered that we were more serious about each other than we realized. We were shopping for presents for his family about a month and a half into us dating and on a hunt to find one particular gift, it led us to Best Buy. As we're roaming the store, we came across the section where they have model kitchens set up. I mentioned that I wasn't a fan of a gas stove and Paul insisted that having a gas stove was the best and we had to have one. I told him that he could have the gas stove if I could have a center island in the kitchen. He said that'd be fine if he got to have hardwood floors. I said no because they were cold and he said we'd have carpet in the bedrooms. At no point during our dialogue were we not serious. It should have been a hypothetical conversation but we were discussing it as if we had to have plans for the house drawn the next day. It was one of the first moments where we both realized that we couldn't see our future without the other one in it.

Paul loves Christmas and part of that is because Paul loves surprises. He loves to be surprised and he loves to give them as well. Paul is also very attentive so his gifts are always something that I've mentioned that I wanted. I've only told Paul what I wanted flat out only once. He normally just pays attention to things that I take to and things that I can't stop talking about. On our first Christmas together, he got me an Iphone. He had one and I'd spent the better part of a month fiddling with it every time I could get my hands on it and had told him not to get me one. I thought it was way too much for him to be getting it for me and we had just started dating. He saw right through my protests and got it for me anyway. He hid it in a huge box and after digging through packing peanuts, he finally emptied it out so that I could see the card taped to the bottom of the box. Apple doesn't let you take the actual phones so instead, it was a gift card with the exact amount of the Iphone cost on it. I haven't been able to live down my reaction to this day. Paul says I'm the worst gift receiver ever.

Now in my defense, it definitely wasn't that I didn't like it, I just never really thought he'd ACTUALLY do it. I was used to men never following through and never paying enough attention to me to know what I really wanted. To me, the fact that he saw through me telling him not to get me one, shocked me. I didn't know what to think and it scared me because at that point I was still waiting for the other shoe to drop. He was pretty perfect in my eyes and I just kept thinking there had to be a catch. I've since moved past all my insecurities about the other shoe but at the time, they were pretty prevalent in my mind.

So this year, I knew that whatever he got me, I had to make sure he knew that I really appreciated it. He of course wouldn't drop any hints about what it was so I was prepared to make a big commotion no matter what. Christmas came and as usual, we went back to his mother's house where we open our gifts to each other. I had gotten him a collage of professional pictures taken of me and Abby. Paul loved it and thought that it'd be a nice edition to his office, whenever he bought a house with one. And after getting satellite radio from Paul (which I hadn't expected at all), he hands me a card and a box. Inside of the card was a written note, telling me that he hoped all my dreams came true for Christmas. Folded inside of the note was a printed out picture of the Allegro hotel in Chicago, IL. At the top it said "Reservations for 12/31/09" and I thought, "Oh ok, we have plans for New Year's!" Up until that point, I didn't think we did. After setting the card aside, I opened the box. It took all of 2 seconds for me to let out the biggest scream. At that point, I wasn't even thinking about reacting appropriately because it came out naturally. Inside of the box were tickets to see In The Heights on New Year's Eve at the Cadillac Palace.

Now let me just say that I have been obsessed with In The Heights ever since I discovered it. The Christmas before, I had begged Paul to burn a copy of the soundtrack for me and listened to it non-stop for the better part of a year. I had stopped talking about the musical because I realized not everyone fell in love with it instantly like I did. But to know that Paul knew me well enough to know that it was the most perfect gift I could ever get, well I'm pretty sure I fell in love with him all over again that night. It was absolutely perfect and I just couldn't help but wonder what I'd done to deserve such a beautiful, kind, caring, and sweet man. Honestly, I still don't think I know but I plan to hold on as tight as I can.

So for New Year's we spent a night in Chicago and it went by fast but it was amazing at the same time. I love In The Heights even more than I did before and Paul got to see just why I was so fascinated in the first place.

After New Year's, I came with Paul to Dallas, Texas for a little over three weeks where he was finishing up his training. I could have gone back to Illinois but the idea of me being at the house by myself for that long didn't sit well with either of us, especially since we'd just finished being separated for 3 months. So we packed up ourselves and Abby and off to Dallas we went.

Dallas was nice but after a few days of being in the room all day, every day, cabin fever set in and I felt like a crazy woman. I'm sure Paul thought I'd lost it when I'd beg and plead to go do something. But we got through it and we went back to Illinois to begin our "permanent" life in the Midwest.

So now that this post has gone on way too long, I'll end it here and just say that life in the Midwest wasn't what we'd thought it'd be but that's another entry at another time.

Blog? Why not!

I've never had a blog before but I figure that now that I seem to have a lot of time on my hands, why not? So where to begin? I suppose a little background information is in order, so her goes.

I'm Jade, I'm 24, I'm originally from Wendell, North Carolina but in August I moved to Peru, Illinois. My boyfriend's name is Paul, he's originally from Watertown, New York but most recently lived in California and will usually say that's where he's from. Paul's new job is the reason we moved to Illinois.

Paul and I met on Halloween 2008. It's funny how things just fall into place without you realizing it. On that particular Halloween, I'd been trying to find something to do. I love the holiday and I just refused to sit at home. I messaged my friend Monica and she informed me she was going to a party and asked did I want to tag along. Well I agreed, and after going to the mall and picking my costume (a can can dancer), I went with Monica to that party. I still remember the first time I laid eyes on him. He was standing in the living room with a white mask around his neck, along with a polo shirt and jeans. I didn't know what he was supposed to be but he was without a doubt the cutest guy there, however when introductions were made, he was lumped together with another girl at the party and I thought, "well there goes that one." It proved to be a pretty uneventful party until they started playing country music. It wasn't that I didn't like country music, it was just that for a party, it wasn't the right type of music. I headed to the radio and tried to change it before anyone could notice what I was doing but I wasn't fast enough and someone yelled "leave it!" I admitted defeat and was about to step away when I heard someone say, "is that the best you can do?" I looked up and there was Paul, smiling down at me. That led to us beginning a conversation and discovering that we had several music types in common. We talked for quite a while that night (despite the fact that there was another girl there that he SHOULD have been talking to) and at the end of the night, he asked for my phone number.

Honestly, I didn't expect much because I had just ended a particularly damaging relationship and wasn't looking for anyone. I figured that if anything, maybe I'd gain a friend. I couldn't have been more wrong about it if I had tried. They always say that someone will always come along when you're not looking and it was definitely true for Paul and I. From the very beginning, we've been a different sort of couple. It was always easy to talk to him and on each date we went on, the more I realized I had a great guy on my hands and the feelings grew. I had never had a guy before that was attentive to me and paid attention to things that I said in passing. He did little things that meant a lot to me and it was one of the first times that I realized that the little things can mean a lot. I remember one particular week in December, I was beginning the run of Theatre In The Park's A Christmas Carol and I was starting to get a bit on the sick side. It's inevitable that at some point during rehearsal or during the run, you'd come down with something. I had a stuffy nose and because it was my first time ever having a solo, I was pretty worried about it. When Paul picked me up for our date, he simply reached over and handed me a box of Airborne. It was such a little thing but it meant a lot.

Paul and I have never had a "normal" relationship and we've always done things in our own time. We've never worried about what other people thought and I've often said "in order to understand, you'd have to either be me or Paul." I suppose to the outside looking in, it would look like we did things fast but to us, all the decisions we made made complete sense to us. If I had to do it all over again, I would still make the same decisions. Paul and I had been dating two months when he asked me to move in with him. I was raised that you don't live with your boyfriend before you're married. I've always been more of a follow-your-heart type person and even though I wasn't for the idea, I figured that if and when that time came, I would only do it if I was engaged and in a completely different state than my parents. Of course, I never planned on Paul and when he asked, I couldn't imagine saying anything but yes. It made sense for us and I've never regretted that decision. A week after we moved in together, we added Abby to our little family.

I won't say that Paul and I's relationship has been perfect because no one's relationship is perfect but it's been exactly what we both needed. We balance each other well. He's the more practical one and I'm the dreamer. At times we're exactly alike and at times we're complete opposites. We've been together for a little over a year and there's not a day that's gone by where I didn't know that I was loved and wanted. He's a great man and I consider myself lucky that it's me who he wants beside him. And if you asked him, he'd say the same about me.

So why Illinois? Well Paul got a new job with the government and it wasn't a job he could turn down. So it was either take the job and move, or not take it and stay in NC. He opted to take the job and there was never a question whether or not I would go with him. I can't imagine my life without him and so we decided to take a huge leap of faith. But we wouldn't be Jade and Paul if everything was easy. With the news of the new job, brought the complication of how we'd make everything work. By the time Paul heard about the job, I had been cast in A Christmas Carol. I'd done the show for four years prior and this particular year, the show was touring to France. I'd been cast in the France cast as well and it was an amazing opportunity that I didn't want to give up. However, it meant that we had to figure out how we were going to make everything work. So our solution was for us to move to Illinois in August and in October, I'd come back to NC for the duration of the rehearsals and through Christmas.

Now it's January and we've survived the last 3 months. I've been to France (it was amazing) and we learned what was really important in our relationship. It's so easy to take someone for granted when you see them everyday and honestly, me leaving was one of the best things that could have happened. We got to miss each other and it helped us realize just how much we cared for each other. It wasn't that we didn't already know it, it's just that it was nice to be reminded.

So I suppose I should wrap up this ridiculously long post by saying that I've created this blog to be able to journal the events in Paul and I's lives. Our life is never boring and I think I'll have a lot to write about it. I'll end this post with a few pictures.



This is Paul and I on New Year's Eve 2008. We'd been dating for 2 and a half months at this point.



This is Paul and I on his birthday weekend. We'd been together 8 months.



Paul and I on Christmas night 2009.



Paul, Abby and I on Christmas night 2009. Doesn't she look thrilled to be in her Christmas dress?