Abby, Abby, Abby

From the time I moved out of my parent's house, I knew that I wanted a dog. I knew that I wanted something cute that would love me unconditionally and always be happy to see me. So I convinced Paul that we needed to get a dog. To be honest, it didn't take much prodding because Paul loves animals. We knew that we wanted to get a rescue dog because we figured that we could help out a dog that really needed a good home.

I remember when we first saw Abby. She was in a room laying on the floor and her little doggy roommate was chewing on her ear. She just stared at us, unflinching and with an expression that clearly said "unless you're going to ask to see me, keep it moving." I liked her instantly and I told Paul that I wanted to see her in a private visiting room. Paul huffed and told me that if we saw this dog and didn't get it, he was going to be upset because she was the 4th dog that day that I'd asked to see. I promised him that I thought she was it and we went into the little room to wait for them to bring her in.

When she walked in, she went right up to Paul and stuck her face right into his. She knew somehow that he was the one she needed to convince. I'm pretty sure that was the moment we knew she was the one.

I didn't realize until after we got her that having a dog, is a lot like having a child. She needs attention, has a routine we follow everyday and any new thing she does fascinates us.

She has a huge personality and makes all sorts of facial expressions. She even plays hide and seek with us. She always finds us of course because of that nose of hers. She's just a great dog and I've yet to find one person that hasn't fallen in love with her at least a little bit. When Paul goes out of town, I'm thankful to have her with me because she makes me feel safe. And I don't know much about how dogs sense things but I tend to think that Abby can tell when I need her around me. There's nothing quite like having a hard day at work or having a sad moment, only to have her put her head in my lap and look up at me with those big brown eyes of hers. It's priceless and I'm just thankful that we found her.

So here are some pictures of our baby:


This was taken December 2009 when I took pictures with Abby as a Xmas present to Paul.


December 2009


Abby and her Daddy. It's really ridiculous how spoiled she is.

I think having Abby has been good for us. It makes it easy to focus our attention on something else and not entirely on our relationship. Little distractions are always good. Especially when they're as cute as Abby is.

Something about him leaving always brings me back...

When Paul and I made the decision to relocate to the Midwest, we honestly didn't have any idea what we were getting ourselves into. We just figured that it'd be an interesting adventure for us and we were excited for the change.

But then, we got here.

The fantasy of moving definitely doesn't match up to reality. In reality, we live in a really small town, one that's smaller than the towns either one of us grew up in. The town doesn't offer a lot entertainment wise and if you want variety, you end up traveling up to 30 miles to reach it. And of course with living in a small town comes the cliquey feeling and the feeling that you're an outsider that they'd like to see leave. Couple that with the fact that Paul and I are an interracial couple and you've got one very difficult living situation.

But despite all of these things, if I had to do it all over again, knowing what I know now, I still would. I regret nothing and I'd rather be with Paul in a place we can't wait to get out of, than living back in NC with him in the Midwest by himself.

Today Paul left to go out of town for a week. It's a regular occurrence lately and even though I should be used to it, I found myself getting emotional about it. Each time he leaves, it reminds me of when we first began to date and how emotional I'd get back then. I didn't like leaving him and as much as I tried to not show him that, it was obvious to me that he felt the same way. There were a lot of late nights spent by the front door, both of us dragging our feet to say goodbye. I suppose the biggest thing that made Paul different to me was the fact that he seemed to want to know me completely. I had never had that before.

Before I met Paul, I was involved with a guy for three years. This guy was someone I had no business trying to be with and he wasn't worth the effort I put into trying to make it work. He played a lot of mind games with me and I can only half blame him because I knew what he was doing and I still kept going back. For 2 and a half of the 3 years I was involved with him, he had a steady girlfriend. I was the "other woman." But like any "other woman" will tell you, he wasn't being truthful with me. I heard all the classic lines, "You understand me and she doesn't." "I'm going to break up with her, I just need time." "I'm so confused, I don't know what to do." It was quite honestly one of the worst times in my life because I became so desperate to have him in any way that I could, that I began to take him in pieces. What little time I could have with him, I convinced myself that I was happy with that. It took a long time before I finally decided that I was better than the crap I was letting myself be put through. I ended things with him and I refused any contact with him. I had told myself that I was going to just heal my heart and learn to love me again. And then I met Paul.

Now I know that it is ridiculously nauseating when women go on and on about their boyfriends and if I were reading this, this would be the part where I'd start rolling my eyes. But the truth is that Paul came into my life and showed me what a real man was like, not a little boy pretending to be a man. Real mean tell you how they're feeling and they don't play games. It took Paul to help me understand that what I went through was not how relationships were supposed to go and it took Paul to let me know that not every guy I give my heart to will break it. If it's the right guy, he'll hold it and guard it with his life.

Now that's not to say that I wasn't terrified of my feelings for Paul in the beginning. He quite frankly, scared the hell out of me. In my mind, he was getting too close to me and in my experience, closeness led to heartache. So one night when we were watching a movie, I subconsciously started a fight with him. To this day, I don't even remember what it was about but I remember it was our first one. We were laying on his bed and I had my back to him, just fuming. He was quiet for a long time before he finally said to me, "I don't know why you're pushing me away but when you're done, I'll still be here." Needless to say that completely broke through my walls and I decided that I couldn't be afraid anymore, I had to let love in.

It's been almost 2 years since then and I'm glad everyday that I did. I know what you're thinking, "It's been 2 years, shouldn't you be past the gushing phase?" And I probably should but I never said Paul and I were normal. :-)